In my work with women I see many who are peri-menopausal or post menopause. Finding the Yin side of your sexuality can be super powerful at any age, but it is often women in this phase in life to whom it resonates the most. Maybe its because the 'people pleasing' hormone of Oestrogen (that can 'sugar coat' things) is in decline, or simply there is enough life experience to know when something feels off and a curiosity for what else is possible? Maybe it attracts the menopausal woman because her body no longer is turned on by the usual routines that have developed during sex. Maybe its because menopause is a great unravelling and is a time when women often need support, although many suffer in silence.
Menopause can be a time in our lives as women when the inner badass bitch is trying to get our attention, helping us sort through what isn't aligned with us, what we have outgrown, or what parts of us need to die in order to make space for the new. Kind of like a PMT or Autumnal phase of our entire LIFE!
Phew that sounds intense, doesn't it.
But it needn't be with support.
It needn't be if we lived within a healthy culture around sexuality and ageing! One that was aligned with the females body, and cyclical ways.
It can be an unsettling time, and there is much misunderstanding I believe in our culture about the power within this transitory phase for women, and for those who love these women to understand and support them.
Stereotypically it can be a time when women no longer have the energy available for relationships that aren't bringing them alive, or jobs that are sucking the life-force from them.
I came across this piece by a bad ass bitch called Maya Luna, it speaks to - what the Crone can teach us around being a woman, our sex and embracing the wisdom that comes with age. Although! we can tap into this archetype at any age through prayer, intention and ritual.
I invite you, if you want to, to read it, be with the words, listen and feel them, some of it is intense, it may trigger you, it may excite you, my invitation is just to notice what it stirs within you.
What The Crone Can Teach Us About Sexuality and the Deep Feminine:
If you want to be a bad ass sexually empowered woman, embrace your inner hag.
The crone. The ancient old woman. The witch. The hag.
The crone archetype is an aspect of the feminine not associated with sexuality.
Women groom themselves to be girls. The younger the better.
Paint those lips red and blush those cheeks like you are wet and ripe for impregnation.
Make them believe you are in perpetual ovulation.
Make them hard. Make them desire you.
Get that face lift. Suck in that belly. Bat those lashes.
The crone doesn't give a fuck.
And that is her power.
She doesn't care about looking pretty.
She embraces her spider lines and swinging, sagging flesh.
After all, this is what life does to the body of a woman.
Does that make you uncomfortable? Would you rather not see? They have tried to hide her but she will not go away.
They have tried to silence her.
Because she knows what they do not want you to know.
Her secret threatens to corrupt you.
She can make you wild.
She can reveal to you your power.
Your volcanic senseless holy power.
They dont want this.
They want you to be nice and pretty and digestible.
Easy to manipulate.
Groomed to be a sex toy.
Or a sensual Goddess, if you're spiritual.
Different drag. Same game.
They want to put you in their doll house.
Be a good wife. Be a good girl.
Be pretty for us. Be nice.
She could ruin the whole game.
Once she opens her mouth, the jig is up.
So what do they do?
They tell you she is crazy. She has lost her mind. Poor old thing.
Or maybe she is evil. Dangerous.
Yes. She is dangerous.
Dangerous because she has broken out of that jail cell you call your home.
You dont notice these are bars you have been primping and polishing.
How would you have sex if you didn't give a fuck about how pretty you look?
Or how flat your stomach is?
The crone is not an object of desire.
And because of this she is free.
She is free to claim her own desire. To be the subject of desire.
In a world that praises women for being objects of desire.
Where the more lust you can seduce the more value you possess, the crone is laughing with that cackle that only women of power have.
Her sex belongs to herself.
She does not need any husband or man.
She does not possess the enchanting beauty of the maiden or the fertile reproductive juices of the mother.
They would like to throw her away for this.
What good is a woman without sex we can use?
She no longer bleeds. She no longer bears children.
Her sex no longer waxes and wanes with the moon, gaining and draining energy with each passing tide.
She is full.
The portal to her blood has been sealed.
She is drinking in the nectar.
She is bathing in its luminous darkness.
She is sitting inside of an alchemical bomb.
A nuclear power source.
Her sex is a diamond pressed and polished by years of cultivation.
Her sex is what makes the wind move.
Her sex is the core of her wisdom.
She has passed through all the phases of initiation as a woman.
She used to be wrapped in the same cloak of lies as you are in right now.
That heavy web of social conditions all feminine creatures are baptized into.
Be nice. Smile. Look pretty. Be desired.
She has unraveled herself from these webs.
She has liberated her sex from all their stories.
She has made it to the other side.
She is free.
And a free woman is a very dangerous woman.
What good is a woman who isn’t desired by men?
Without the ability to be a mother or a sex object, what is left of a woman and her sex?
I’ll tell you what.
Pure power that doesn't give a fuck.
Crazy wisdom that knows how to make love to the moment.
To be penetrated by existence.
Sex that ripples through every cell of your body.
Sex that pulses with every tiny whisper of life knowing life.
If you want to find the seat of your sexual power.
Your real deep sovereign sexual nature.
Find the crone that lives in you.
Let her unravel your false beliefs.
All the lies that they told you.
They told you Men know about sex.
Just let them lead, they said, they’ll know what to do.
They tried to turn you into pornography.
Your body a vessel for his lust.
They tried to make you appealing to look at.
They shoved strange sounds down your throat,
And called it female orgasm.
They told you how to be sexy so you could have good sex.
As though the image was the point.
Put on a good show.
Be loud but not too loud.
Don’t be a prude.
Don’t be a slut.
They wrapped you in so much pretty packaging you forgot to feel inside.
They gave you the right shade of lipstick for the perfect blowjob.
They gave you straight lines when your true language is a circle.
The crone will draw her dagger and slay all that noise.
She will cut through the tight corset that has been suffocating you.
She will make you wild.
And thats how your sex is meant to be.
Wild. Ugly. Innocent. Real.
Erupting from the deep.
Love you can taste from the inside out.
It is inside you, woman.
It has always been inside you.
This is no cosmo magazine sexuality.
You must forget everything they told you.
The real initiation begins here.
Welcome to the temple of your sex.
The crone is here, waiting for you to begin.
- Maya Luna